just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
