high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
