My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
