I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
