so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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