There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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