captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
