C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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