I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
