Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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