you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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