pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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