did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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