hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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