Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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