He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
