he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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