u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
