i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize