Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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