they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
