I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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