Screwed.edu
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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