My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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