This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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