whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
