I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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