Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
