peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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