He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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