I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Boobs are out for the taking
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
