***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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