it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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