my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
