Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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