id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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