That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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