What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
