I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
