I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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