I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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