There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
