Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
