yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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