I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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