Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
