Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
