and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ketchup is God's man juice
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize