OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
