wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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