So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
