burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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