He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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