I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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