I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
