and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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