i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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