Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
