he puts the penis in happiness.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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