Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
