I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
