Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
this boner is exhausting
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
