some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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