I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am naked and annoyed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
