i don't like sucking hair
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
