Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
