y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
