My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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