I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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