I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
