Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
