Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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