You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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