i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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