i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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