We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize